Generosity is a Healing gift of Spirit…one that we come with into this world with. You might say it’s “standard equipment”, not an ‘extra feature’ we have to work at or request. Creator must have known we would need it to live in harmony with each other, and with ourselves. But I think it’s greatest benefit for The People is its ability to Heal.
I’ve been on the receiving end of Generosity for the last year of my life. At times, I felt uncomfortable that I had to depend on others to survive. When that list started getting larger and larger of who I was in debt to, I really struggled. I wanted to repay them for their kindness, their thoughtfulness, their Generosity. Some gave of their time, calling me every week, to let me know I was still important to them and that they cared what happened to me. They kept me engaged in Life when they knew I felt ‘invisible’. Some gave hugs…that simple and beautiful way of acknowledging that you are loved and cared for. Others shared their ideas of how to remedy my situation. Or, they shared their homes, courageously creating a space in their lives because they cared. Some advocated and shared my situation with others, stirring them into compassionate action. And then, there were those who shared what they could in terms of money…what is necessary and required to live in this society. I knew that Americans on the whole were a kind and generous people. We seem to know instinctively that we’re here to help each other. Yet, it’s hard to be on the receiving end time after time. I wanted to give back but I had nothing, or at least, I thought I had nothing to give.
This weekend, a long-time friend gifted me with a large sum of money…sticking it in my purse, for me to discover after she left. I was stunned. I started to cry. I wanted to run after her to give some of it back for it felt like ‘too much’ but I didn’t because I knew it would be hurtful to disrespect such a generous offer. But, it was hard for me to wrap my mind around it. Why…WHY?… would someone (who wasn’t family) give such a large amount to me? And then, it came to me the next morning as I struggled to share with her how grateful I was. I suddenly understood in one moment what her actions had meant and what I had been experiencing. In that moment of generous gifting, she had told me I was WORTH it! And my reaction had been one of “but I’m not worth it” (or worth that much). For over a year, all I had been getting from my family was that I wasn’t worth it. Upon reflection, I realized that, in fact, all my young life they had told me that (either literally or by their actions)…and I had believed it! My friend’s action had “awaken” me…had brought me out of the untrue stupor of unworthiness. Her Generosity, and that of others, had healed me of that belief of unworthiness..and for that, I’m truly, truly Grateful. I Honor and Thank you, D.T., B.L., C.R., G.G.,W.H., and everyone who shared with me…Generously! Aho!