Of that there is no doubt. This world…the world of the Wasicu…it pulls on me…distracts me…from that which is the passionate part of my heart…my Spiritual Life.
I’ve noticed lately that ever since I started a technical computer class that I rarely think of my Prayers or my relationship with Spirit. That technical side of me, well, it enjoys and thrives on the challenge of working with computers. I’ve always known that I had this innate affinity for logical thinking and it rolls out naturally to computers. But I wonder how this can be…that this natural talent that I find fun…is able to overshadow and even dominate my Spiritual nature…for it’s my Spiritual path that is my true Passion.
So I have been reflecting on how this sudden and obvious divergence in my character has come to be. Perhaps the Spiritual side resides in the right brain and the propensity towards technical resides in the left. That would explain this feeling of “either/or” that I am experiencing now. I have to share that while it worries me a bit, I keep hoping that it will bring some sort of a balance between these 2 parts of me.
I was reading a brother’s thoughts on the Red Road a short time ago. He described flawlessly what it is and what it isn’t. First of all, the Red Road isn’t a religion. What it is…is a way of of life…of living with, and honoring, each and every Relative. It’s living in harmony and balance with Mother Earth and all that is. It asks us to walk with Honor, Respect, Generosity and Compassion foremost in our thoughts…to remember Mitakuye Oyasin…that we are all indeed related. And that everything we do matters because it affects the whole.
When I read his words, I felt that ‘hunger’ of wanting to ‘walk’ that life again. It reminded me of the time I spent on the Yankton reservation, immersed in those Spiritual ways…a life more real than the one I currently lead. Ceremonies that began, and ended, the day. Not only connected with Spirit but with each other. Living a way of life where we were asked to consider carefully how we thought and spoke to each other. The ability to speak the truth in our hearts…in a gentle way…and have it honored. Working together for a common goal…not because we didn’t have anything else to do on a Saturday…but knowing that whatever we did was for the good of the whole…for the good of The People. Remembering to care first for the Elders and the Children…and having those Elders pat your arm in passing or nodding a gentle smile in silent appreciation. Having someone you have never met, make a place for you in a crowded room. Praying with 40 people for a child to be healed…and then seeing it happen.
Now, I realize that much of this is likely to happen in any close Community. A common focus, a way of treating each other, even the prayers. However, on the Red Road and those paths of many Indigenous tribes, we try to live in harmony and balance with Mother Earth…honoring Her as a living, breathing entity who provides for all and who we are just a small part of.
All of which seems to be missing in this technical world that I’m currently playing in.
Over the past few weeks as I worried about what I was ‘giving up’ in pursuit of this opportunity to provide a better way of life for myself, I suddenly remembered something. I remembered that this had happened once before when I went back to college to get my degree in Programming. Back then, I was overwhelmed by the necessities of classes and taking care of my young daughter, that for years, my Spiritual life took a back seat. In fact, it was almost non-existent. I remembered that once I graduated and started working, that eventually I reconnected back to my Spiritual source…and that in fact, my journey took me even deeper than before.
So perhaps…I need the world to pull on me in this way as a prelude to a higher calling in my Spiritual life. I pray that it is so. Haho!